Brave

I feel that over the past year that the Lord has strongly pulled (ripped) me out of my comfort zone. I was called upon to do things because they needed to be done, and they had to be done by me. That's not being brave, that's survival. Now that I am finding my way in this new normal I don't want to settle back into my own little safe circle again. I want to be brave when the Lord calls me to step up because I choose to, not because I have to. I want to serve/love others as I have been served/loved. I can be such a chicken and talk myself out of just about anything that I don't want to do. But it's not about me, it is about Him. Help me be brave!

You can

I can't believe that it's been 2 1/2 weeks since Zach went from my arms into Jesus' s.

For some reason in my life I've always thought that those big life moments (getting married, becoming a mom, losing my child) would somehow foundationally change me in some way. As if I will become a new person. But each time as I look back after each of these events have happened I realize I am the same person. There was no lightening bolt of wisdom that has been infused into me. I still struggle with those day to day issues.

As so many of you are praying for us during this time, I want you to know that your prayers are being answered. God has blessed me with so much faith and with His peace that passes all understanding. Of course, I miss Zach but there is no despair. I want to hold him again, but I know who is holding him better than I ever could. I know that Zach is better now than he has ever been.

I have been thinking about my ultimate goals for my children. If I were to rank them from most important to least...

1. Spend forever with the One who loves him with a perfect love.

2. To do whatever it takes to accomplish #1.

3. Everything else.

It is hard for me to be too sad knowing that Zach has already achieved my ultimate goal for him. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36) To God be the glory for Zach' life because if God's doesn't get the glory than I can make no sense of all of this.

What about you? Do you know for certain that if you were to die today that you would be spending forever with the One who loves you with a perfect love? You can.

That's the Way it is Supposed to Work!

Dear Zachary,

It’s been ten days since your spirit (soul) went to be in the Lord’s presence, and Mommy and Daddy sure grieve the loss of having you here with us. I’m sure it’s wonderful to be in the Lord’s presence, though! I suppose that is the understatement of the day. Since your passing, we have been reflecting on how much joy and hope, and how many blessings God has poured out to many through your life.

Zach, Mommy and Daddy believe this was the purpose of your life; that the joy, hope, and blessings people experienced through your life would point people to God as the ultimate source of joy, hope, satisfaction, and life. Sometimes it takes these earthly trials, hardships, and sufferings to see this as this causes us to turn to God for help. We see how faithful He is, and God in his mysterious and wise providence certainly works things for our good if we follow Him obediently through love. What a hope to remember, Zachary! The good is that we start trusting Him all the more as a source of strength, hope, and security.

Daddy recalls the pain of Good Friday (April 2^nd) 2010 when we received news that there would be significant health challenges in your life. Mommy and Daddy were very tearful, hurting, and anxious, but with hope in God, we did not give up on you. It was God who carried us, putting so many loving people in our lives to help with your care, to care for Mommy and Daddy, and to care for Aaron.

God’s command to love your neighbor as yourself took on many different forms, and this command was followed in many different ways by so many different people.

It’s insightful to remember the specifics and to see God’s blessings through loving hands:

Loving people helped in your care (baths, feedings, medications (oral, injectables, aerosols), skin care, cuddle time, diaper changes, etc.)

Loving people helped Mommy and Daddy (e.g. errands, meals, babysitting)

Loving people helped take care of Aaron (e.g. babysitting, meals, reading books)

Also, you remember all the cards, letters, prayers, and words of encouragement we received, right Zachary and how wonderful are caring and encouraging words on a dark day?!

Daddy concludes that is it most important to trust God, treasure God, hope in God, and live for Him. This is so hard, and Daddy is still learning how to do this. He will work things for our good, but we need to trust Him! We should not despair when we go through life’s trials and hardships, as God will see us through. He is so incredibly faithful. He is the good shepherd.

I think of how tremendously blessed we were to have so many loving people in our lives and still now. People were quick to recognize we needed help and propped us up in so many ways, too numerous to count. Words cannot express how grateful Daddy and Mommy are to experience so much love from so many loving people rushing to our side to help during our days of trial. I guess that is the way God intended it to work, and what a testimony! Mommy and Daddy have learned that we need to be quick to love others in similar ways as people go through their own trials. We aim to give God glory for helping take care of others through love for God has certainly taken care of us!

Love,

Daddy

A Hope to Remember

Please join us as we celebrate Zachary's life and the hope that is in Jesus.

Friends may call at the Reeb Funeral Home 5712 N. Main St. Sylvania, OH, Thursday June 9^th from 4 – 8 PM.

The Funeral Ceremony will be conducted at Westgate Chapel Friday at 11 AM.

Home

Zach is now in the peaceful arms of Jesus as of 4:24 PM, Sunday, June 5th.

...most likely within the week...

Blessed Immensely

Dear Zachary,

God has blessed Stephanie and I immensely by giving you to us as our son. Our time with you now is very short, and Daddy and Mommy are feeling the waves of melancholy come our way. We are now grieving and preparing for impending loss. Zachary, know with highest certainty that we will battle against any feelings of despair. Far be it from despair is the Good News that is the Gospel which means that you will be with Jesus soon. Zach, you will be with God forever, and ever, and ever, and it will be so great and so wonderful for you to experience this fellowship with Him that we won't focus much on what this life here did not give you, but sing praises of joy to God for what is coming your way through Jesus. Enjoy sweet fellowship and worship with Him, our precious little boy, and one day we'll meet up together. Daddy and Mommy are looking forward to that day, whenever that day shall come.

Love,

Daddy

Apologize

I first want to start by apologizing. I've realized about myself that I have a hard time giving someone bad news when I'm speaking with them face to face. I am so bad at this that I have lead people to believe that Zach is doing better than what he is. I think that part of the reason that I do this is because I'm afraid that if they knew the truth they might regret ever asking.

So here is to being truthful...yesterday (Wednesday) was hard. It started out "normal" for us. On Tuesday our doctor was worried that Zach might be silently aspirating so she had us slow down his feeds to 100 ml/hr. (7 oz bottle would take more than 2 hours to eat) But on Wednesday about 1 hr into his breakfast, I heard him aspirating. (liquid going into the lungs) I immediately stop his breakfast, called hospice at 9 AM, and waited for them to come. Poor Zach was just so uncomfortable. I knew this was bad. It took some phone tag between the on-call nurse and our nurse but she finally arrived at 11:30. She helped me to make sure his ng tube was placed correctly ( I was way too rattled to do it on my own.) Then she began to remove the air in his stomach that she had put there to place the ng. What she found instead was half of the breakfast that Zach had been given 2.5 hours earlier. Not good. Zach's digestive system is starting to shut down. His stomach had been so full that it had begun to overflow into his lungs. As soon as the nurse removed the contents from his stomach he was completely relaxed. It was decided yesterday to move Zach onto pedialyte only. Even on pedialyte it is still taking Zach about 4 hours to absorb 3 ozs.

Craig and I suspect that before the end of June, Zach will be ushered into heaven.

We have been trying to prepare Aaron for this. I would say that yesterday was the first time that he understood that Zach is "broken".