For the past few weeks, Zach's breathing has become more labored. We are not sure what is causing the breathing difficulties, perhaps cardiac issues. He will inhale, hold his breath for a few seconds, and then exhale. It is/was quite scary to watch because during those pauses you are afraid that he might not exhale again.
He was clearly not comfortable so we have increased his Morphine and Valium hoping that it might help him relax while breathing. He is also now on oxygen most of the time. Let me tell you that those oxygen converters are loud and put out a lot of heat! At night we can't keep it in his room because his room becomes like a sauna, so we run tubing from the main floor up to his room.
I have to continually remind myself that his comfort is more important than my feelings. At this point for Zachary his breathing is most relaxed when he is somewhat sedated. Another step in this long good-bye.
Aaron (our 2 1/2 year old) is doing so well. I have been wondering when is the right time to tell him that Zachary is a very sick boy. He has no clue right now that Zach is different than other babies. Don't all babies eat with a feeding bag and have medication administered every 2 hours? I want to prepare him for the roller coaster that he is going to be riding. As a mom I am more concerned with how Aaron will and is processing all that will be happening than I am about myself. I want to be able to save both my boys from suffering, but I can't.
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