Would you think less of me if I told you that I don't cry as much as I think I should? I am confused about my own emotions. God seems to have wired me to be one who likes to be inside-the-box, a rule follower. So when my emotions don't do what I (and everyone else) think they should, I don't like it.
It is hard even to figure out what to blog about. All my other posts would springboard off my daily activities with Zachary...
Before Craig and I started having kids, our family plan was to have a couple of kids biologically and then some through adoption. At this point the plan to adopt has not changed, so every now and then I will go online and do some adoption research in order to start narrowing down the big topic that is adoption. It is very weird to think that my future son or daughter may already have taken their first breath. (Keep them safe, O Lord!)
Praise the Lord that He saw fit to adopt me into His family! Through the Bible, I know that Heaven is a free gift, and there is nothing I can do to earn or deserve it. Just like any children that the Lord may bring into our family through adoption, there is nothing that they can do to make their "chances" any better. God chose me, and for that I will be forever grateful.
"So when my emotions don't do what I (and everyone else) think they should, I don't like it." Oh, how well I remember that feeling of "where is the handbook on how to do this, and why wasn't I given a copy?"
ReplyDeletePraying for you, hon. I know it's such a process of trying to understand and see God's plan when He reshapes our dreams for our family.
Still checking your blog periodically to see how God is meeting your needs. I know what you mean about being almost empty of emotion and feeling guilty about it due to some current struggles we are experiencing.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for your interest in adoption. I am currently sitting in my living room with our three adopted and one bio children, and though the road has not always been what I expected, I am still confident we followed God's plan in building our family and wouldn't change a thing. Well, that's probably not entirely true, but I wouldn't change any of the big decisions.
God bless!
Amy Yohe
(a long ago friend of Monica G)